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Helping your Wife/Mother at home

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Bismillah irRahman irRahim
In the name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful





It is generally said that we don’t know whats happening in others lives until we step into their shoes. I feel this is very true for our homes as well. In fact a lot of domestic issues will be sorted out if we understand the state of the other person. We need to do this most importantly with our women; we men have no idea what they go through at all!

It was a normal day’s start for me until I heard that the maid is not going to come today, she has taken an off. If you are married and have experienced similar situation, you would know what the home turns into when the maid takes an off at the last moment!!!

After lunch, when I stepped into the kitchen, I saw a huge pile of utensils to be washed. I realised that the utensils from yesterday, today’s breakfast and lunch have piled up! I opened the drawer to see if we have any utensil that we can use for dinner and next day’s breakfast but found that there is none!

My wife is expecting and from her face I could see that she is not in a state to do the utensils. It was at this time that couple of Ahadith came into my mind - 

It was asked `Aisha "What did the Prophet (ﷺ) use to do in his house?" She replied, "He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was the time for prayer he would go for it.” (Bukhari)

The Prophet said: "The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Susan Ibn Majah)

Though (by the grace of Allah) I keep on helping my wife in household work, I thought today I have a wonderful opportunity to gain some extra good deeds inshaAllah. So, I told her that I will do the utensils and she can just go and relax! That look on her face, I still remember that 😃

"He who alleviates the suffering of a brother out of the sufferings of the world, Allah would alleviate his suffering from the sufferings of the Day of Resurrection, and he who finds relief for one who is hard-pressed, Allah would make things easy for him in the Hereafter….” (Muslim)

It was only after couple of dishes that I realised what our women go through in the kitchen! Not that I have not washed utensils before, I use to do this daily during my hostel days but I use to wash only my utensils and nobody else’s. Its such a Yuck feeling to wash dishes where someone has left over some food stuff esp if it was liquid (Daal or Salan etc) and it has dried!! Plus washing a lot of dishes will leave you back aching for long and your hands feeling dried for few days!!! Imagine, I did this for just a day and thought it was one tough task; our women do this everyday!!!

That day itself I decided that I need to write about this so that we know what it feels like to do utensils and what can we do to help the one who does utensils. Regardless of who does the utensil at your home, maid, your wife/mother or yourself, if we do the following few really simple things, we would make their life very easy - 

- Don’t carelessly use utensils, use only the required utensils. I have seen homes where people use 10 utensils when they can do with just 3-4. This will reduce the overall work on utensils.
- Take only as much as you can eat. Avoid leaving food in the plate.
- Incase you couldn’t avoid extra food in the plate, keep the food wastage aside at one place in the plate (esp if you are having non-veg) so that its easier to put it in the bin directly with just a push of a spoon. Otherwise, someone will have to dirty his/her hands with your leftover food.
- It will also help if you keep a separate plate/bowl (use and throw type) to keep that food wastage. You can just throw it straight away in the bin after food.
- If you have a maid, understand that she is a human too. Don’t leave a huge pile of utensils for her. Wash few of them to reduce her burden.
- While having food, keep in mind that someone will be doing the dishes and cleaning the table. So, make that job as easy as possible.



Overall I feel, we men should do the work of women in our home every now and then. This will help us understand and respect them much much more inshaAllah. May Allah help us have a good understanding with each other at home and may Allah help us respect and love our women at home… Ameen! 
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